Resurrection TO Ascension

Matthew Hussey, the "reluctant" "relationship mentor," said (in that uber sexy British accent) that a great litmus test to determine whether you want your ex for the right reasons is to ask yourself this question, "if someone came along tomorrow, would you still want your ex back?". If the answer is "No" then you don't really want him back, you're just lonely and that's never a good reason to go back to your ex.

And if I were to be truly authentic and honest to myself, I'd rather be single than with my ex again. But the loneliness, after being in a relationship for close to two years, is extremely painful. But it also means I am just "feeling" lonely but I don't really want him back. And you can't possibly "lose" or "miss" someone you don't want in your life in the first place.

So recognizing and "surrendering" to that feeling of loneliness gave me the freedom to see this period in my life for what it truly is, God's rare and precious gift to put the spotlight on me. To put myself under a microscope. To figure "me" out. It's rare because many people never get or refuse to grab the chance. And it's precious because it would be such a waste to live someone else's life.

I asked God why I have to go through this pain again. If it is loneliness that is killing me then why doesn't He send his BEST to me na? If the only reason it hurts is because I haven't met my God's BEST yet, why won't He reveal him to me? And He answered, because I need you alone right now. I need you outside of a relationship so you can put the focus and attention on yourself. To grow. To self-improve. To discover the dreams I put in your heart and to make them come true. Growth requires focus. Transformation requires attention.

Aminin mo, you're a "dream enabler". You're so good at helping people realize and pursue their dreams, but not yours. You're good at it because you love doing it. You are naturally interested in what drives people. And you enjoy being a part of what makes those dreams real. But in the process, you lose sight of your own dreams. Or worse, and you've done this so many times that it hurts to watch, you discard your own dreams to align your life with someone else's plans.

Solidify your character and values first. Build your own life. That whoever comes along will always just be icing on the cake but never the cake. That the icing may eventually leave but its leaving will never leave the cake half a cake. 

I also kept bugging God about why death and resurrection have to be a part of life. I know resurrection requires death, the dying of something. But why do we need resurrection in the first place.

His answer (finally :)) is ascension. Because resurrection is a prerequisite to ascension. To ascend is to go to a higher place. If Jesus hadn't accepted death, there wouldn't be a resurrection nor ascension and He would have remained human with an unfulfilled mission. But God wants us to ascend, to join Him in heaven, that is how much He loves us.

I used to fear the thought that my God is a jealous God Who will remove anything and anyone that takes His place in my life. But now that thought just makes me kilig. That kind of love that I've been searching all these years was mine all along. And no man can compare. But an enlightened man can be God's perfect expression of His love for me.

Do not trust your circumstances. Have faith in God and His grand plans for you. 

May God shower you with grace and blessings more than you could ever imagine. :)

Deconstruct to Reconstruct

Remove your "definitions" of yourself. Definitions breed limitations.

Only now do I understand fully what a law professor once said, "here in the College of Law, we break you so that we can rebuild you."

Yes, sometimes we need to be rebuilt. Especially when we've gone on for so long on our own, and so far off from the path God wants us on.

He needs to remove the old so that the new may come out.

Death is necessary for a resurrection.

Transformation requires the dying of the old.

He strips us of everything that is not from Him and that we don't need for our mission.

And He reveals what is in us that is of Him.

But this process of deconstructing is painful.

But this process of deconstructing is necessary to reconstruct.

And to be deconstructed and reconstructed by the Master's hand is a privilege and an honor.

This process is painful but exciting.

I am forced to question all my life long held beliefs and things I said about myself.

I am forced to break my self-imposed barriers by refusing to "define" myself.

I am more than just a lawyer.

It was a mistake to define myself as someone's girlfriend and I will never let that happen again. In my future relationship, I will be a woman in a loving and committed relationship.

I am not "in between relationships". I am living my life. Pursuing my mission, which includes discovering it.

I am no longer one thing and not another. At the moment though there are things I haven't tried but most likely will, at least once.

Don't get me wrong, my values are very much intact. I know right from wrong. But my guideposts are kindness and obedience to God, everything not contrary to those, I will try.

I will learn how to cook.

I will learn ballet again.

I will learn bookkeeping and manage my own finances.

With God on board, we will create and re-create me.

Cheating is a Character Flaw

Angelina Jolie to Divorce Brad Pitt, Ending ‘Brangelina’

If the rumors are true and it's another woman, then it seems the boss is right, "cheating is a character flaw". And character is HARD to change.

But NOT impossible. We women can still train our men, from our children to our partners, not to cheat. To treat us with love and respect. But it will take a lot of courage and strength and faith. It will require first OUR transformation. And transformation, from what I heard, requires FOCUS on ourselves. To put ourselves under a microscope. To identify and correct our own character flaws. Especially the ones that inspire and encourage men's bad behavior. We must believe in their capacity to be the PRINCES that God made them. But they need our help.

But to help another we must first help ourselves. Or we'll end up with the blind leading the blind.

From One Woman To Another

Hi Princess.
Yes you. You're a princess. Not because you have a prince. But because your Father is THE KING.

I feel the need to write to you because as women I believe we should watch each other's back.
Naloko ka na ba? Napagpalit? Na two-time? I have. TWICE.

It was so painful that at one point I told our Father THE KING that I don't want to be someone's girlfriend anymore. I want to be the girl he chooses over his girlfriend na lang.  The one he "chooses". The one he cheats with. Ganun.

But God has been generous with me. He showed me the real big picture.

I was once "that" girl. Actually, to be accurate, I was "twice" that girl. Two times I was chosen over the girlfriend. Two times I broke up a supposedly committed relationship. In my sort of defense, they both told me that they were single na. But I know I came in the picture before they were single. While I did not actively pursue them, I encouraged their cheating by playing along. I played along, without thinking. Without any thought for that other woman whom I've never met and who has done me no wrong, na masasaktan ko.

It felt good. Kilig.

At first. And then the insecurities came flooding in. Because now you're the girlfriend. Ikaw na yung pwedeng iwan at ipagpalit. Because deep inside you know, you were not chosen over the many other women he could have met and would DEFINITELY meet. You were chosen over this one woman. You weren't chosen because you're better than her. Disabuse yourself from that absurd reasoning. You were chosen for the simple and obvious reason that you're different. You're different from the girlfriend. You're unknown territory, so to speak. And that is exciting. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but that's not love. Not even close.

And what happens when the new becomes old?

So, princess, please, please DISCOVER TRUE LOVE. Be so deeply and fully in love with you. Be so deeply immersed in God's love and the true love that He has surrounded you with through your family and friends. Be so deeply immersed in true love that no counterfeit love will ever be enough for you. Get to know true love in your relationship with our Father THE KING. Know true love in the comforting words and hugs of the people who have been with you equally through your ups and downs.

And date. Wholesome dating ha. Date to know thyself. To know what your likes and dislikes are. To know your non-negotiables and to know what you're willing to compromise on. Date so you can choose. Don't get into a relationship with the first guy na you are attracted to that tells you you're pretty then bobolahin ka sa txt tapos dadalhan ka ng isang box ng pasalubong from Nueva Ecija. Okay?

If you just use your logic a little bit you'll see the absurdity of it all. To base your entire future and your happiness on a few kilig moments.

Date so you can, by God's grace and guidance, choose His best. Date with eyes wide open. And ask him to date too. To date with his eyes wide open. That is the only way he can really choose you too. Tell him you'd rather have him date around now than when you are already committed to each other or when you have children to consider.

Use your intellect to make the right decisions and choices, rather than to rationalize and excuse your wrong decisions.

A couple of other things you must remember. First, believe me when I say na mas masarap marining ang "ang sarap mo kausap at kasama", "I love our conversations", "I learn so much from you", "I feel like I'm growing and becoming a better person because of you", "You're genuinely kind", "You're so wise and smart", "You make me laugh", "You are authentic and honest", mga ganun. Kesa "ang ganda-ganda mo" and its derivatives.

I've been there. Iba pala to be appreciated for your mind and your heart, your faith and your soul. Rather than be appreciated for something as shallow and fleeting as looks.

And second, maganda ka naman talaga and you SHOULD be treated special kasi prinsesa ka. So why act like that's such a big deal? So much so na dahil tine-txt ka lang ng good morning, kamusta, and good night eh dapat ka na mag-commit sa kanya? You know yourself and what you're capable of bringing into the relationship. And that is not cheap. Your love, loyalty, and support are worth so much more than a few kilig moments.

The reason it's so hard to find the right man is because we've made them so rare. We women must train our men to become the right men. Let's not baby them. Let's stop making excuses for them. Call a cheat a cheat. Call them on their bad behavior. Don't accept anything less than what you deserve as a daughter of Christ. Don't be scared of losing them. Because you are more than enough on your own. And often being alone is exactly what you need to move to the next level. To complete your mission.

Believe me. I am the quintessential Libra who "seems" unable to function well outside of a relationship. And I am telling you this from my heart. I found my smile again, yung ngiting hanggang mata, after my second relationship ended.

I thought time and my numerous rationalizations can make right what was wrong from the start. Pero salamat sa wisdom, generosity, and love of our Father THE KING, sa wakas tinama na Niya ang mali.

And I pray we all learn from it.

Love,
Princess Di :)